Compete to see who plays Prince Andrew in the movie version of THAT Newsnight Interview with Emily Maitlis.
It's a toss-up between Hugh Grant and Colin Firth, but one of my friends thinks any Motherwell player would be perfect because neither sweats...
According to STV's report, last week's news was that Syrian refugees were invited to a match at Momi Park. This explains why I received about 100 texts asking, "Are they suffering enough?"
I'm sure it will improve with a new manager at the helm, but in the last year or so Absolutely tough.
A fellow 'Well fan pointed out on his Twitter: Our whole approach seems to want our opponents to be even worse than we are. We are Kiel Sturmer of Scottish Football.
Another disgruntled supporter replied: The Club's Disabled Supporters Society.
Embarrassing his 3- After a 0-total loss to Sligo his Rovers in Europe, he said: he laughed at it.
Some teams have had great starts to the season. Look at The Three Musketeers FC. Their first match was he was 4-1, 4-1, 4-1, 4-1, 4-1, 4-1, 4-4…
(no explanation needed. doI. )
But not all clubs do.
Did he call Clyde the other day to hear about the guy who entered the Mystery Prize contest?
A presenter said: confidence. "
``Well, I'm St. He has a degree in Geography from Andrews College,'' said the caller. "I've been teaching geography in schools for the past 30 years."
"So," he said DJ. ``Choose two VIP tickets to your favorite St. Mirren game to win a star prize. }
Meanwhile, dear readers, a Livingston schoolgirl found a giant 8-inch CHIP in a bag of Aldi's frozen variety.
Glad she's not a fan of her Hibs. Otherwise I could have killed that poor Hearts player...
Listen if the Easter Road Club identifies the numpties who threw cigarette lighters and chips at Alex Cochrane. I'm serious about punishing these knuckle-draggers – here's my advice when the case goes to court. Say it was just a writer.
Judges will never believe a Scotsman has discarded a chip.
Edinburgh He knows why I was really upset about the chip being used as a missile at the Derby. Assault 'n' Sauce…
The home of Willie experienced a wardrobe malfunction when his straight fell out of loose-fitting shorts. After crossing the line, he said: ``Relief he was not racing...'' last Friday, Edinburgh, thanks to his two-week strike by city council officials. I read that it was settled. Garbage overflows during the festival. Sometimes you don't need a punch line...
● Hats off to Aberdeenshire comedian Rob Grainger, 33. And not only did he leave the key and tell him to lock it, well done to one of them.
● How about as a tribute? My buddy had his day in Edinburgh on Tuesday. Chip asserts that he saw a sign in a shop window that read "RIP Olivia Newton-John - From one grease legend to another...".
● Woman Irn-Bru, who drank her 20 cans her day hypnotically defeated her addiction. Don't expect it to work for a friend of mine known for chugging down 20 cans of Red Bull a day.
"I'm getting sleepy..."
"Am I shit?" }
and Happy Birthday, Spider-Man.
The Marvel superhero turned 60 last week (read it on the web), so [**Spoiler alert**] Peter is a gift to his hoodie. joke.
Spider-Man lands on the roof of Empire State's building and King says to his Kong, "Come on, Big Man, me and you."
And King Kong says: ``I can't. Francisco says he may retire because a strained knee ligament has prevented him from traveling around the world.
In fact, when he lands at an airport these days, he just texts his message to the tarmac.
PS. The birthday of the current Mrs. Cowan, who turned 28 last week, was delayed.
That's her story and she sticks to it.
Liz, stop this flop. So you started dating in 2003 when she was nine years old.
(Sorry, Door Police, I think.)
● I went to a Dire Straits themed cafe yesterday and the menu was very confusing. They wanted money for the muffins, but the tip was free.
Flushing
51-year-old D toilet cleaner , which is number 11 on the Amazon charts for reggae songs. And if he needs some songs for his first album, can I suggest?
We do our own tanks. You can clearly see that the steam is gone. If you say you have a clean bidet, will you push it to me?
Lavvy Siffre and Loo Rolls, of course.
Suction Cups for Rolls
My intrepid BBC friend Martin Geissler, risking his life to report from the front lines in Afghanistan, was on vacation in Spain last week. I didn't even have the courage to try. roll and taco.
Don't blame him. What sucker eats one of them.
Did you know that a Mediterranean delicacy, octopus takes about 16 hours to cook? That's because you keep reaching out and turning off the gas.
My best friend Lorraine Kelly, on the other hand, denied the claim that I was a celebrity, stating: } Dec."
Lorraine, you might do a lot worse than a kangaroo butthole. Thanks to the hopping hopping, they are actually very gentle.
PS. I once tasted an ostrich penis. It was a cruel joke played on me by Bernie Clifton.
Bird Fool
Some news about our feathered friends. A screeching bird alarm has been installed at his Wetherspoons pub in Exeter to protect customers from seagull dive bombing.
That doesn't work. Seagulls will get used to bird calls if it's anything like the 'spoon' I've been to.
After the arrival of South African gulls in the UK, birdwatchers flocked to reservoirs in Cambridgeshire.But it wasn't long before Pretty Patel put her on her first flight to Rwanda.
The blue tit is disappearing due to climate change. But ladies, they reappear in the winter when you can't afford to switch on the heating.
My Favorite Funny Photos of the Week
A rare photo of the Duke of Wellington in battle.
– I am not Bobby Charlton.
Rebecca and Jamie Vardy shrink the villa.
Imagine putting shops next to each other. It's sin.
at home After another shift at the Louvre on our way home.
Weeks
The new series of Big Brother received 50 million applications after producers ensured the house had food and central heating.
Last week, as her wife was about to watch the Lionesses win the Euro final, I started cleaning. it teaches her
Flight back to Glasgow from Gibraltar has been cancelled. You could say I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.
D: Just got kicked out of the Ream tribute band and kept forgetting the lyrics. Well, things can only get better.
I recently read that white rum is bad for the heart. I am now thinking of consulting a Bicardiologist.
I learned all the art of Chinese cooking from the Bee Gees. Well, as you can see from the use of the wok...
Did you know that in the Middle Ages people would attach lamps to their horses when riding them at night? This was the earliest known form of saddlelight navigation.
I think I was more surprised than disgusted when my hair grew at dinner at a Brazilian steakhouse last night.
When I was a kid, my parents played Madness and The Specials every day. Scud me for life.
I was fired from a new job for asking a customer if they wanted to smoke or not. Apparently, the correct term is cremation or burial.
I went to a Dire Straits themed cafe yesterday and the menu was very confusing. They wanted money for the muffins, but the tip was free.
I met a girl in the pub last night. She wanted me to show her a good time, she said. When we got out she ran her 100m in her 10.49 seconds.
Used magazines
Adolf Hitler's gold watch sold for his £900,000.
However, one of his needles continues to point to 11 and needs a little repair.
My favorite auction story of the week. A man's lifelong stash (ahem) 'Vintage Adult Magazine' is on sale for £20,000.
And I still chuckle at his blunt admission that "everything is not in mint condition."
I still get chills at the thought of my mother going to clean my room one Sunday afternoon and find me a bed over my scud books.
Meanwhile, outrage broke out last week following reports that Prince Charles had received his £1 million donation from Osama bin Laden's family.
To keep the British people on his side, he also accepted a free flight for his brother Andrew.
I met a girl at the pub last night. She wanted me to show her a good time, she said. When we got out she ran her 100m in her 10.49 seconds.
And finally
as the Kardashians enter their 20th season, we take this opportunity to remind you that we haven't seen a single episode of her. can you congratulate
