Great Britain

My lover is carrying my baby but she’s decided to go back to her husband

DEAR DEIDRE: MY girlfriend has decided to make a go of things again with her husband, but she is carrying my baby.

I’m 27 and we met through work. We both work for an estate agent and I thought she was drop dead gorgeous when I first saw her.


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She looked about 30 but in fact she’s 41 and married with two children.

We went on a training course together last year and although I felt she was off-limits, she seemed to come on to me.

She didn’t leave my side during break-times and she asked me lots of questions about my personal life.

On the last night she walked into the dining room, looking amazing in a long, fitted black dress with her hair long and loose.

The team had dinner and the wine flowed, but when we got up to leave, she was unsteady on her feet.

I held her arm going up the staircase.

Outside her room, she leant forward and kissed me.

She fumbled for the key and pulled me inside and we had sex in her bed.

The next day she told me she’d fancied me since she saw me.

Our affair started smoothly, but then her husband saw a text from me, and he went ballistic.

He left her and the kids, moving into a flat.

Last August she told me she was expecting my baby and I was over the moon.

She asked me to move in with her and I thought we had so much to look forward to.

But last month things seemed to change.

While I visited my family on Christmas day, her ex spent the time with her and their children.

Now she tells me they want to try again and that we are over.

She’s even kicked me out.

I don’t want my child brought up by him, and surely he can’t want that either?

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My team and I are working safely from home but we are here to help you as always.

DEIDRE SAYS:  Sadly, unless you are willing to fight for custody of your child, the decision about who the baby lives with is down to the mother.

Her husband probably felt the same as you do when you moved in with his children.

Emotions are running high because this isn’t the start in life you wanted for your child.

But she’ll have given a lot of thought to the whole of her family’s future, so you may just have to accept her decision.

I know this is painful but it doesn’t mean you can’t be a good dad.

Tell her that you want to be there for your child even if you can’t be with her.

Find emotional support and advice through Families Need Fathers (fnf.org.uk, 0300 0300 363).

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