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Great Britain

My husband has been seeing escorts while telling me he’s at church

SINFUL SITUATION

DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband has been seeing escorts while telling me he was at church.

I went against my family’s wishes when I married him eight years ago. They did not like him or the fact he is 11 years older than me. I am still only 30.

We met at work, where he was my boss. He had already split up from his first wife and, after we’d been seeing one another for about six months, he asked me to marry him. But just before our wedding, I discovered he was also seeing two other women. I was very upset and my parents said I should call off the wedding, but I loved him too much.

He promised to be faithful and we now have two children but he is never here. He was late home so often, I hired a private detective and found out he was seeing escorts. We have regular and varied sex so I feel he has no excuse for having sex with them. He also watches porn all the time.

I love him and want to make our marriage work but feel I’ve wasted the last eight years of my life. He has lied so many times, I feel anxious even if he pops out to buy cigarettes.

He says he is sorry and that he will change – but there is no sign of it. I fear my husband does not care about me at all.

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DEIDRE SAYS: LHe clearly feels confident he can get away with behaving like this and he will not even try to change until you take a stronger stand.

Tell him his attitude is wrecking your marriage and damaging your children, and it looks as though he is addicted to sex as a way of escaping deeper, darker feelings he doesn’t want to face up to.

My e-leaflet Addicted To Sex? explains how to tackle this. But he has to take the first steps. If he won’t, do you want to stay in a marriage like this?

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