Great Britain

Labour unveils new slogan ‘A non-dickhead option is now available’

THE Labour party is hoping to woo voters and force an early election with its new campaign slogan ‘A non-dickhead option is now available’. 

The slogan will be displayed on all Labour party branding to inform voters that for the first time in a decade, they will be able to make an electoral choice that does not involve a total arsehole. 

A Labour spokesman said: “We’re not yet ready to make the argument that Labour is fantastic. Most of the time we don’t even know what our policies are. 

“But we are ready to stand up and say that our leader is not a dickhead, that his shadow cabinet are largely not dickheads, and our most dickheaded MPs will be kept well away from power. 

“Ordinarily that wouldn’t be a strong argument. But when you’re up against Johnson, Cummings, Hancock, Williamson, Patel and Raab, it’s f**king world-beating. 

“We expect the Conservative counterclaim to be, ‘Yes but you used to have a dickhead in charge.’ To which we’ll give the devastating reply, ‘But we don’t now.’”

Voter Nathan Muir said: “They’re saying I can vote for non-dickheads? I don’t believe it. It’s a trick.”

Football news:

De Gea after 0-0 with Chelsea: Manchester United deserved more. The goalkeeper saved them
Lewandowski has scored every 37 minutes this Bundesliga season. He has 10 goals after 5 rounds
Azpilicueta about capturing Maguire: VAR can perform better. Why not take 20 seconds to review?
Real Madrid beat Barca at camp Nou for the first time since August 2017
Conte on Lukaku: in a year, he has improved in everything and has become different. I always called him an uncut diamond
Patrice Evra: Van de Beek doesn't need Manchester United. Why did we buy it?
Zidane on critics: We are not here to shut them up. We believe in what we do