THE Labour Party has been running every policy past three angry Boris Johnson supporters who would normally be in Wetherspoons, it has revealed.
Norman Steele, Martin Bishop and Bill McKay were recruited two months ago because they are the type of voters the party needs to win back, and have been listened to uncritically ever since.
Due to lockdown restrictions, Labour strategists have even created a replica of their favourite Wetherspoons in Stoke in which they gather for a 9am pint to decide Labour policies.
Steele said: “I voted Brexit because I’m not having Belgium deciding what shape my sausages are. I’ll have another Old Peculiar, thanks.
”When my thoughts were passed on to Keir he immediately understood my concerns and decided to wave a hard Brexit through. I’m still voting for Boris, mind.”
Bishop said: “As a white, working class man, what worries me most is a rise in corporation tax. And Keir agrees. He’s still a commie bastard like Corbyn so I’m voting for Boris, though.”
McKay said: “I can’t take politicians seriously unless they’ve got Union Jack curtains like I do. When Keir sings ‘Rule Britannia’ in parliament he’s got my vote. If he joins UKIP.”