DEAR DEIDRE: FOR a couple of years I have had an on-off relationship with a male friend.
We used to date and have stayed really close. I see him as family and I don’t want to lose him as I’m estranged from my actual family who were abusive. I’m a woman aged 26 and he’s 28.
We have talked about sharing a flat but he then disclosed to me that he is pansexual, is attracted to people whatever their gender or sexual orientation, and it’s really shocked me.
He says he’s interested in another friend of mine who’s a gay guy. I don’t want to lose him as a friend but feel he’s lied to me all along.
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DEIDRE SAYS: He may be wary of disclosing his sexual orientation for fear of prejudice and it doesn’t mean he necessarily was unfaithful while you dated.
But living together isn’t going to work if you still have any romantic feelings for him – and wouldn’t have done even if he were straight.
Your family background sounds painful. You can find understanding support through NAPAC who support those abused as children (napac.org.uk, 0808 801 0331).