Kids, apparently, start lying from about two years old.

Nothing serious, say the experts, learning to bend the truth is a normal part of development.

It gradually escalates until it peaks at 12 – when you become a fully formed little bulls**t merchant.

We all know the lies of childhood: “I didn’t eat the birthday cake,” some kid will tell you, despite being covered in chocolate with icing in its hair.

“It was my brother.”

“But your brother was asleep. In a different house. In fact, you don’t have a brother.”

Which is about where we are with the Government at the moment.

Boris Johnson wants to shift the blame for his disastrous handling of the crisis

We are quietly playing with our Lego while our pyromaniac sibling is setting the curtains on fire. Get ready to have the finger pointed at you.

It’s all on us, it seems. Yep. Me and you. I don’t know how we sleep at night.

Why would we do this?

Have we no regard for the NHS, the economy, the social fabric?

It’s all on us. Absolutely nothing to do with the mixed-messaging, the failed testing system and the behaviour of senior government figures. Nope. Us.

The furlough scheme spearheaded by Chancellor Rishi Sunak is coming to an end soon

How they are getting away with ­shifting the blame on to a public that has largely co-operated – in the face of increasingly difficult conditions – is a tough one to explain.

In the end, it’s almost tempting just to succumb. Fine, whatever, blame us.

It’s almost a relief when you buy into it.

Like this: “I’m absolutely with the Government on this virus stuff. There is no second spike, it’s just a 167 per cent increase since the end of August. And outbreaks in hundreds of schools are nothing to do with going back too early, or a proper system not being put in place, or ignoring experts. Nope. It’s caused by the unions because, let’s face it, who else could possibly be to blame?”

It’s going to be interesting how they make job losses our responsibility after the furlough scheme comes to an end. But they will. Maybe we didn’t eat out enough, or buy enough stuff, or go to the office as much as we should have.

Matt Hancock is on TV telling us national lockdown is a last resort

What were we thinking?

The Government couldn’t have ­handled this better. It’s only the pesky British public that’s gone and spoiled the whole thing.

Look how well it’s going now. Matt Hancock is on TV telling us national lockdown is a last resort. Phew.

It’s great that they’ve managed to avoid that and restricted lockdowns to Greater Manchester, Bolton, Oldham, Blackburn, Preston, Bradford, Kirklees, Calderdale, Leicester, Luton, Northampton, Birmingham, Solihull, Sandwell, Newcastle, Sunderland, Durham, Gateshead, Glasgow, Rhondda, Caerphilly, and the rest.

This is absolutely not because the track and trace app that we were ­promised would be here by the end of June is not ready yet.

Come on, everyone. Most mistakes you get away with, but you’ll get caught out and it’s always best to put your hands up and take responsibility.

Thus, confession time: I came back from Boots and washed my hands for only 18 seconds instead of the requisite 20. Now, because of my negligence, the New Year’s fireworks have been ­cancelled.

Apologies, everyone. I spoiled the whole thing. Truly sorry. I know you were looking forward to them.