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RAW HUMOUR! Mr. Hyena wows two call girls, ends up in jail

Prostitutes fought for me. Legends have it that prostitutes are cold blooded creatures with no love at all. But over the years, I’ve seen lots of them fight over men as well as falling in love.

One night I and lifelong buddy and partner in crime Kamonde traveled to eastern Uganda. On getting to Mbiiko, our truck suffered some mechanical problems forcing us to spend the night.

Back then, Mbiiko was praised for its nightlife. All our friends talked of the pocket friendly prostitutes of Mbiiko. We decided to enjoy them. And off to some bar we went. As soon as we entered, my eyes landed on a brown curvy angel in human form.

I swung into action and asked how much she charged a night; “50k” being her answer. And I was “that’s a lot. I have 10k.” To which she was, “that’s for a short.” She advised me to add ko. But 10k was all I could afford.

Kamonde – who hadn’t bothered to search for his own prey jumped in, staking 20k, but the chic told him to make 35k.

“The animal is fresh, it’s not been speared in a long time, and I had gone to visit maama,” The prostitute rapidly told Kamonde “Feel it.” She grabbed his hand and placed it on her goodies.

But Kamonde was “I only have 20k for a night.” To which the chic suggested he gets two rounds. “Then I will also give your friend. Okay, you I will give you enyongeza of another round.”

Besides being very brown and curvy, the prostitute had a beautiful voice. She wasn’t someone that’s easily forgotten. Qualities that made us think, she must be very delicious.

We bought drinks and snacks which we enjoyed scouting the place. Other prostitutes kept checking on us asking if we needed company. And we would answer like 10k a night to which they would be like “that’s for short.”

Our fellow truckers who regularly plied the route had told us how love was so cheap in Mbiiko that for as little as 2k one would enjoy, but now here we were staking 10k a night; but it was being rejected.

On asking guys who roasted meat, they told us that prices are reduced past 2am. “But now when clients are still swimming around, you can’t get. But around 2am she will have slept with about 5 men and made some money so when she gets anyone for a night she goes.”

Right after hearing that, Kamonde re-approached the brown curvy belle and offered her 30k. “You make 20k and I get you someone who will help you,” the chic told me. Since we had got a double bedded room, there was no way; I would sleep with Kamonde dancing his prey.

So, I accepted and the chic got me and off to our room and respective beds we went and worked the belles. I wish I was the one chewing Kamonde’s chick.

Now mine turned out to be a screamer whilst Brownie was a low pitched screamer. “Let’s exchange ko,” Kamonde suggested but his prostitute refused saying it wasn’t part of the deal.

“Let them give us more money,” Mine jumped in. “Yes, if you want to exchange, give us more money,” the brown one yapped.

In the morning we repaired the truck and proceeded to our destination off loaded and returned to our usual life. I didn’t expect to ever see the brown chic ever again. Little did I know, we were destined to meet and do great things together.

Like three weeks on, my friend and pimp Nayiga called. “Brotha, where are you?” She demanded to know before going on to tell me how she had new stock in the house. New stock meant fresh chics.

“Are they beautiful this time or gorillas like the ones you brought the other time?” I asked. In response Nayiga assured me how the chics at her place were prettier than angels.

After work, I went by only to be surprised on seeing the very chic I had shared a room with in Mbiiko.

Nayiga introduced her as Princess which I expected to be a pseudonym based on her mesmerizing qualities. Now the chic vividly remembered me and kunesoka by saying I looked familiar. “Have you ever lived in Mbiiko?” She asked only for me to ask where Mbiiko was.

With the aid of Nayiga the chic agreed to spend the night with me for 30k. With the deal sealed, I bought snacks and drinks at a local pub and boosted like I had acquired the Virgin Mary.

After making merry, I took Princess to my crib and we got busy. But to my surprise she wasn’t as sweet as I expected her beauty to be. And she was soggy and slippery as Kamonde had lamented.

Several times, she accused me of having a monster animal, but I thought she was only morale boosting me.

“No wonder you made Zamu climax twice,” Princess told me. Zamu being her colleague back in Mbiiko. “You mean I made her climax?” I asked to which she was yes prompting me to ask how many times Kamonde made her climax

“Your friend doesn’t know how to dance,” Princess bluntly told me. But I thought she was deceiving me. Going by the way Kamonde explained women, we thought he was an expert in bed, but now a third chick was telling me that he didn’t know anything.

By 3am, the Princess had told me – her real name is Kathrine Nasolo. “I am a real Princess,”she assured me before going on to tell me which king she hailed from. She gave me directions to her parents’ place in Kajjansi.

That morning, Princess didn’t go, we spent the day enjoying each other. After lunch as I took a nap, Princess coiled between my legs and lollipopped me. By the time I snapped out of sleep, the cobra was standing so stiffly.

I instantly suspected Princess to have plans of impaling herself and infecting me with aids from Mbiiko. I installed antivirus and showed her the fire. But we were interrupted by Nayiga – who came to see if I hadn’t killed her friend.

Princess Nasolo spent two more days at my place. Good thing, the only person who truly knew her was Kamonde – who had chewed her back in Mbiiko. But he lived in Bwaise which is far away from Namasuba where I stayed. There was no way he would come see her and gossip.

Despite being sexy, Princess Nasolo was dull in bed and had not visited the bush. During the game, she was mainly silent. She would only breathe heavily when her body started vibrating. When that happened, she would hold me so tightly plus lock our tongues.

I had not mastered body language to understand what was happening.

Despite Nasolo’s weaknesses, she had public manners which endeared her to my neighbors. For instance, she insisted on us bathing together. You see the bathroom was outside next to the latrine.

She also spoke well with neighbors, even greeting older women kneeling down. Helping with babies and kids-things my other chics didn’t do.

“Hyena if you don’t marry that chic, you will never get another beautiful and well brought up woman,” Mama Arnold told me. The others joined in supporting her words. Of course, I couldn’t tell them who she really was.

Meanwhile, my side kick Nayiga also asked what techniques I use on chics “do you sodomise them or what?” Nayiga asked as she told me how Princess and Madina were madly in love with me.

Even though I didn’t tell Nayiga, deep down I thought she was pulling my legs. How in the entire world could prostitutes be in love with me? I thought she was spicing up things so that her friends could detooth me.

My suspicions were cemented by the belles’ behavior—they would vanish for like two or three weeks or even months during which time I thought they would be serving their animals to other men.

In Princess Nasolo’s case, she usually returned with money and new clothes which she claimed her mother had bought her. That she was helping out on her mother at work.

Despite my suspicions, I was now at the level of live sex with both chics. You see, those days, I thought God and the gods loved me so much, they would put deterrents when I came into contact with chicks who had AIDS.

Well, I would start round one, with protection but I would either pull it off myself or the chics would uninstall it asking whether chics that had been slaying would have such elasticity. And it was then that usually caught me with other chics or exhibits.

One day Madina and Princess Nasolo collided at Nayiga’s place and Madina asked how her husband Hyena was doing. She went on to tell them how she had come to service him. Princess almost got a heart attack and it was by pure luck she kept her cool.

However, she demanded to know which Hyena Madina was talking about only for some ka – useless chic called Prossy to say “Your Hyena…is there any other Hyena in this village?” At that point, I can only imagine how Madina must have felt.

But I was told she ordered the Princess to stay away from her guy or else, there would be hell to pay. They both crucified and called Nayiga all kinds of bad names.

Both chics demanded to see me so that I would choose one and leave the other. I was only saved by the fact that I was upcountry; otherwise I would have had a lot to explain. “He hasn’t been around for three days now,” Mama Arnold told them.

The chics left, but Madina went back privately and begged mama Mega to call her as soon as I returned. I sensed my idle neighbor wouldn’t turn down. And mama Mega being the kind that enjoys drama didn’t tip me off when I returned.

Two afternoons after I returned, Princess Nasolo came to visit. Princess Nasolo used this opportunity to ask about Madina. I and Nayiga deceived her about how Madina was an old history who was trying to glue herself on me. Nayiga convinced her and she agreed to go to my crib.

Oooh on seeing the Princess, mama Mega rushed to call the number Madina had given her “He returned.” She must have told her. Madina, eager to get some stuff off her chest, rushed from Nateete to Namasuba and bypassed Nayiga’s place and walked straight to my rental.

By the time she arrived it was past 9pm, we were eating as we watched a flick after which we were to act one ourselves, but Madina interrupted and killed all moods.

“Nyabo, your husband Jimmy is looking for you everywhere and you’re here!” Talkative Madina jabbed then turned to me “sebbo Ono tumuyita tutya?” Madina demanded to know before lamenting to Nasolo how I had told her, she was my only woman.

My neighbors led by mama Mega tiptoed outside to hear what was happening, but my god punished them with a heavy downpour prompting them to run to their b3d bug filled houses.

For a moment, I worried they were to jump at each other and start world war three. I trembled as both must have been, but I hid it. “Who told you, I was back?” I asked only for Madina to reply telling me it wasn’t any of my business.

Next, Madina demanded I pick one of them. Which was hard for me—Sexually I preferred Madina because she was freaky and delicious in bed. But socially, I connected with Nasolo and everyone liked her, they even told me to marry her.

Worst of all, I feared choosing one over the other would hurt feelings so I did what a friend had advised me to do in such situations.”I love you both…’re both my wives!” I roared.

“Pick one…..pick one. Her or me,” Madina scoffed before suggesting I pick brown Nasolo. “Since you’ve chosen for him, leave,” Nasolo jabbed. To which Madina replied begging Nasolo not to vomit at her.

“Sit down and have some food,” I ordered, forwarding Madina my plate of food which she rejected on grounds of it containing juju.

Nasolo snatched the plate away from me saying “give it back if you don’t want it….let her cook her own.”

Next battle was how to sleep. Nasolo, having come first, insisted the bed was hers that she couldn’t share it with Madina. My suggestion of a menajatwaa was rejected outright. Nasolo went as far as advising that I do that with Madina and her gang back in Nateete and Ndeeba.

Finally around 11pm, I made a bed on the floor for Madina and I was to sleep on the sofa. But just after making the bed, Madina pulled me that she wanted me to chew her. Ooooh Nasolo grabbed my other hand and pulled me – her way.

Each insisted, I had to sleep with her first. “Hyena if you’re man and half go in that bed and I will show you what I am made of,” Nasolo threatened when I seemed to be agreeing with Madina.

“LEAVE ME ALONE!” I barked and forcefully freed myself from their hold. “Leave me alone. I am not going to dance with either of you. Let me be!” I roared. “It’s that one,” Nasolo tried to calm me down.

But before Madina or mwah could utter a word, I had a commotion outside; the area chairman called the landlord when the landlord came out, he asked what had brought them. Chairman asked for Hyena’s house. That almost caused me a heart attack.

Landlord asked if there was any problem and the answer was no. But why on earth was the mean chairman and his entourage visiting me that late. I had chewed his granddaughter and that could be a possible reason for the visit.

“Tell them, I am not around,” I whispered as I sailed under the bed. In a heartbeat, there were several knocks on my door “Hyena….Hyena…..are you in?” Chairman called.

The chicks didn’t answer prompting him to bang the door again which almost gave me a heart attack. Then Madina asked who it was and “open and see me,” was the chairman’s answer. The chic opened and the chairman asked for mwah. He lied too, but didn’t believe it.

The Defense, who hated me for boning his concubine, insisted on checking and found me under the bed then it was announced, I had impregnated Salongo Sebwato’s school girl. I was taken to the police. What followed is a tale for another time.


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