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Trump says 'I can never die after COVID' and Biden 'promises Obamacare with sunscreen' on SNL

President Trump promised every American will be ‘connected to a beautiful ventilator’ if he wins re-election and said the COVID-19 pandemic was caused by the ‘Wu Tang’ virus that was ‘flown in from China on a plane piloted by Nancy Pelosi’ in the latest cold open on Saturday Night Live.

Trump, played by Alec Baldwin, faced off against his Democratic opponent, Joe Biden, who was portrayed again this week by Jim Carrey.

Biden had the debate moderator, Kristen Welker, take a shot of alcohol every time he said his favorite word, ‘malarkey.’

Welker was portrayed this week by Maya Rudolph, the longtime SNL cast member who returned to the show.

Saturday Night Live spoofed the second presidential debate as Alec Baldwin (left) returned to play President Trump while Jim Carrey (right) portrayed Joe Biden in the show's cold open on NBC

Biden was mocked for 'Eastwooding' or making a squinting face while chastising the president

Maya Rudolph, who played moderator Kristen Welker, took a shot of alcohol by playing Biden Bingo after the former vice president said the world 'malarkey'

As in the real-life debate, Trump was better behaved this time around.

The president complimented Welker, who is bi-racial, for her moderating skills even though he mistook her for Hoda Kotb, Mindy Kaling, Padma Lakshmi, and a waitress.

‘It’s creepier when you’re nice, but thank you,’ Welker tells Trump when he pays her a compliment.

‘No, really, you’re taking very good care of us tonight,’ the president responded.

‘Now could you just tell us the specials, please?’

Welker started the segment by commenting on how it was ‘the honor of a lifetime to be moderating the second and, praise Jesus, final presidential debate.’

She then noted that she had a mute button to shut off the microphone in case either of the candidates interrupted.

‘It was either that or tranquilizer darts and the president has a high tolerance for those after his COVID treatment,’ she said.

Welker then invited the candidates onto the stage. Trump appeared grumpy and without a mask while Biden wore his customary black face covering.

The president then hits out at Hunter Biden, Joe’s son, by inviting his lawyer, Rudy Giuliani. Giuliani, played by Kate McKinnon, is seen with his hands in his shirt

Carrey then did his customary motion in which he simulates a gun-shooting motion with his hands.

‘How does this mute button work?’ a befuddled Biden asks at the start of the debate.

‘Do I haul off and just slap him in the mouth?’

When Welker says that ‘we’ll take care of that on our end,’ Biden remarks: ‘Are you sure? I think everyone would like to see me do it?’

Trump then taunts Biden, saying he thought he was ‘tough guy’ because of ‘all that money he got from China!’

Biden then hit out at Trump for his handling of the pandemic, saying the country was in the middle of a ‘third wave.’

‘Where I come from, if a girl gave you a third wave, you were practically married,’ Biden said.

Trump then mentioned several states that are experiencing COVID-19 spikes, including Florida, Arizona, and North Dakota.

‘Not a lot of people know this, but there’s another Dakota there,’ the president said.

The second and final presidential debate between Trump (left) and Biden (right) was held in Nashville on Thursday

The moderator, Welker of NBC News, was widely praised for her work during the debate

Trump then promised that the military will distribute the COVID-19 vaccine by ‘shooting it with a cannon into your face.’

The president also described his recovery from COVID-19, saying that the coronavirus was ‘very mean to me, but I beat it and now doctors say I can never die.’

‘And the virus said to me, “Sir, I have to leave your body now.”

‘And the virus was crying. Very sad.’

When Trump says that Americans are ‘learning to live with the virus,’ Biden replies: ‘We’re learning to die with it, man!’

SNL then plays the theme from the film The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, the Western starring Clint Eastwood.

‘Looks like Mr. Biden is so mad he’s Eastwooding it a little bit,’ Welker says, poking fun at the former vice president.

The debate then escalates into craziness as Trump says the virus came to the US from China ‘on a plane piloted by Nancy Pelosi filled with Mexicans which was shot down over pedo island.’

‘That’s a bunch of malarkey!’ Biden says, invoking his favorite ‘curse word.’

‘If you’re playing Biden Bingo at home, take a shot,’ Welker says.

After Trump accuses Biden of getting rich through shady deals with China, Biden says: ‘If I’m rich, where am I spending it? I live in Delaware.

‘A night out costs $28.’

The candidates then compare health care plans, with Biden promising Bidencare, which ‘may need a bit more sunscreen than the previous’ Obamacare.

On SNL, Carrey's Biden mocked Trump for his outlandish statements during the debate

Welker took another shot of alcohol after Biden made his famous 'malarkey' statement

The former vice president was also mocked for looking at his watch during the debate

When the candidates are invited to give their final pitches to voters, Trump says: ‘Well, if they didn't vote for me I guess I'd say hola. For the rest I would say, just remember how good things used to be back before the China plague’

Trump, meanwhile, promises a plan that’s an ‘LA 10’ with ‘large naturals, high booty, bad attitude, but she cute.’

The president then hits out at Hunter Biden, Joe’s son, by inviting his lawyer, Rudy Giuliani.

Giuliani, played by Kate McKinnon, is seen with his hands in his shirt.

It is a spoof of the embarrassing scene from the Borat sequel in which the former New York City mayor is lying down on a bed after he is interviewed by a girl who presents herself as a 15-year-old journalist.

‘It’s not what it looks like,’ McKinnon's Giuliani says. ‘My microphone was stuck - on my balls.’

When the candidates are invited to give their final pitches to voters, Trump says: ‘Well, if they didn't vote for me I guess I'd say hola.

‘For the rest I would say, just remember how good things used to be back before the China plague.’

Biden tells voters: ‘I don't have a golden toilet seat. I have a soft, spongy one that hisses whenever I park my keister.’ 

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