Great Britain

Woman who caught boyfriend cheating again wonders if she’s the arsehole

YOU painted your walls dark grey because a Sunday supplement told you to. But is this just a manifestation of emotional crisis or do you like them? 

Why did you paint your walls dark grey?

A) Because I’m emotionally and physically on pause so my home needed to reflect my inner state of being imprisoned in a dimly lit box.
B) Dark grey is really in at the moment? It makes other colours pop. Yes, I said ‘pop’.

What colour is it, exactly?

A) A bleak, eternal grey, like the colour of my soul and of all our futures.
B) Railings by Farrow and Ball, obviously. We had Elephant’s Breath before, but that’s so 2018.

How much did the paint cost?

A) I assume we got it cheap from a disused asylum. It just seemed to appear in the garage, where I go to scream.
B) A mere £85 for five litres. That’s reasonable, and not insane.

Did you paint the ceiling too?

A) Yes. There must be no hope. No hope anywhere. Even the sky must be a formless void.
B) Yes, because someone on Pinterest said it was ‘bold and cocooning’ and, more importantly, the ceiling has to look good for Zoom calls. Ceilings are the new bookshelves.

ANSWERS

Mostly As: Your grey walls are an unequivocal cry for help. Unfortunately it’s a cry muffled by the unending stylish greyness of your walls.

Mostly Bs: Your grey walls are simply a sign of middle-class susceptibility to trends. You probably also own a velvet sofa in a daring colour. Later today you will spill a drink on it.

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