Being a Londoner really is fantastic. But we all have pride in the particular area we live in or grew up in and can't help but argue about which part is the greatest.
And although we might not all absolutely love our local high street, we still get really defensive about the bit we call home. Woe betide anybody who tries to insult it.
So those who feel really strongly about their own town, or anybody else's, are forced to take to the internet to anonymously air out their neighbourhood rivalries and inter-borough bitterness.
The result is a rather hilarious collection of Urban Dictionary definitions about London towns.
The site is a crowdsourced online dictionary of slang words and phrases.
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If you search for 'London', the top result is this: "The capital of England, but not the only city there. No Americans seem to realise that not all English are from London, and that we don't all eat crumpets and go on hunt."
We don't know about the hunting thing, but what kind of English person doesn't eat crumpets?
If you want to be enlightened about other people's opinions on your London town, look no further. Be warned, they're not all as complimentary as we might like.
Fulham seemed to fare pretty well with one dictionary definer:
"A mainly residential area in south west London. The only place in London where house prices have fallen in the last 2 years."
But then he added:
"Popular with tramps."
We're not sure if he's referring to actual homeless people or the residents of Fulham, and we'd rather not clarify.
One poster lost his cool slightly:
"A great place where you can meet up with friends and have fun. And I don't know what people are going on about with [nasty word for travellers] cause there are none in Bromley.
"Its a family safe place so shut up those people who are insinuating that this awesome place is full of [nasty word for travellers]. You only say that because you wish you lived there."
Defensive, are we?
"Slough is actually a safe place and it may be quite boring at times but its an alright place to live."
" Person 1: Slough is a dangerous place, we shouldn't go there.
Person 2: No its not. Thats just rumours. Slough is ok, I've been there before. "
Well, I don't know about you, but I'm sold.
This Hackney resident clearly didn't listen in English class:
"Hackney da baddest part of london.......we got ppl scared as hell dwn here!!!!"
Alrite we gt it ur bad.
The other definitions - using Hackney as an adjective - didn't do much to promote the area:
"To be of poor or crappy quality. To be jimmy rigged. To be poor. To look like a caveman.
His house is so hackney, it dosn't even have a door knob...all i has is a deadbolt He bought the hackney brand of cheesy poofs...."
He bought the hackney brand of cheesy poofs...."
This Urban Dictionary user was not a fan of the area:
"A suburban town in Southwest London. Essentially a BTEC version of Richmond, more chavs and no tube.
"The only notable thing to ever come from Twickenham is the rugby stadium, but even then it's surrounded by a shanty town (neighbouring Whitton). The only use of Twickenham is driving through it to get onto the motorway."
"Friend 1: Oi lets go to Twickenham tomorrow night Friend 2: No thanks I don't want to be harassed by a 12 year old outside Burger King.
Friend 2: No thanks I don't want to be harassed by a 12 year old outside Burger King."
Locals will be happy to know the borough was described as the "Queen of the Suburbs."
His/her geography wasn't on point, but we appreciated the effort:
"Located somewhere in west London. Contains Acton (chav central), Southall ('little India'), Perivale (more commonly known as 'Perv-vale'), Greenford (home of all those people who have to take the bus to school and end up being late most days) and many more. A nice place, though."
Urban Dictionary users were pretty complimentary of Sutton:
"At last a place in Britain that is not overrun by either chavs on the one hand or stuck-up young toffs on the other. Its demographic is refreshingly normal and sane.
"Everyone seems very happy with their lot, not surprising perhaps, given the very attractive place that Sutton is - the quality of life is high here!
We didn't realise 'normal and sane' was a demographic, but we stand corrected.
"A very nice area in London but very expensive."
We think that sums it up quite ncely.
This response also does the trick:
"HOME TO AMAZING PEOPLE, AMAZING SHOPS AND AN AMAZING PLACE TO BUY FISH AND CHIPS. It was there first! the places in Virginia and Sydney aren't the originals....
" loser: where are you going today? cool person: i'm going to richmond loser: you are so lucky i'm not cool enough to go there cool person: i am
cool person: i'm going to richmond
loser: you are so lucky i'm not cool enough to go there
cool person: i am"
Guess that makes us losers.
Croydonites have talked up their their town on the dictionary, surpassing its (undeserved we think) reputation:
"Lovely, visually stunning town with beautiful buildings ranging from Victorian grandeur to 21st century ubercool slick. Croydon is a cultured town, strong on the arts with a museum, theatres, art house cinema and art gallery.
We're not sure what 'ubercool slick' means so we couldn't possibly comment.
Don't take their praises as an invitation, though:
"Most people who do not know the delights of Croydon speak ill of it. This is because they have heard other people slag it off and they think they must repeat what they hear. That's fine. We don't want their kind in Croytopia. Don't tell them how brilliant it is or they'll all want to move there."
"What comes out of the bowels when one sits on the toilet."
We're sure this definition had nothing to do with the town of Drayton. Moving swiftly on.
We can't help but think this poster must have had a bad day in Brixton:
"A depressing hole south of the river. Where the only grass is the dried kind. Don't make eye contact with anyone unless you want to be shot."
In fairness, us Londoners really, really don't like making eye contact with strangers. Just saying.
"It has recently acquired some degree of fame as the location of the main Olympic Stadium for London 2012, leading to it becoming known as the 'Olympic Borough'.
"The problem with this is that it has led to the whole area being a perpetually unfinished mess of roadworks and chewing gum, with the glitz and glamour of Westfield and the Stadium separated by a literal wall of shops from the grimy residential areas full of kebab houses, flower shops and knife crime."
The kebab houses and flower shops sound quite nice...slide down the ArcelorMittal Orbit, anyone?
This description was slightly confusing:
"A place populated with care bears. There is a long market with snide (fake) clothing sold everywhere and a woman selling aki and salt fish dumplings."
The writer didn't care for the eye candy in the town:
"Almost everyone in Walthamstow is ugly and the good looking people hide in Walthamstow market."
He/she wrote it, we're just repeating it.
We're starting to realise that Urban Dictionary authors are obsessed with 'chavs'. It's not 2002 guys.
"Extremely diverse area. from the classy north-west of the borough (Hadley Wood, Oakwood) to the vibrant but chav filled centre (Enfield Town)."
"Surrounded by the boroughs of Haringey, Barnet, and Waltham Forest, and crappy little Waltham Cross and Cheshunt outside of London."
Now, now. No need to be like that.
"A place that is better than West Wickham. It has some dank shops and rather than Afters (although there is one), there’s a charming place called ‘Love A Slice’ which is the same and half the price!"
Is it safe to assume 'dank' means 'good'? Dank.
The town is often associated with its rather affluent school:
"Home of a posh school with boys sniffing at other people and remarking rudely about them. Makes me laugh. Pupils think that everyone else are chavs.
"Harrow school pupil: *sniff* I can smell the poverty... "
Hang on a minute! Maybe they're the ones writing all these chav-bashing entries in the dictionary...
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We got excited when it appeared this user hadn't taken to Urban Dictionary just to air personal grief with a town:
"Short for "Bexleyheath", a small town in Kent, southern England, and is modern rhyming slang for "Chief", which is itself English urban slang."
"Also a derogatory term for somebody considered less cool than you.
"Shut up you Bexley"
We appreciated this person's attempt (not) to explain the history behind the town's name:
"Really amazing town near London, UK. Lots of places in the UK end with -ford. This is (not) because they are home to Ford dealerships. Watford has many, and therefore you must decide "Wat ford? (shall i visit) ", which is where it (doesn't) get its name."
Another writer had a slightly different opinion:
"Scummy suburban London s**t-tip that’s desperately trying to recover from being voted as one of the most ugliest places in the UK and one of the worst places to go on a night out. A place where dreams go to die and teenage drug dealers thrive."
So not a fan, then?
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