Great Britain

Sexpert reveals the secret sex mistake most women make, and the X-rated way to fix it

A SEXPERT has revealed the mistake many women make in the bedroom and it means that you miss out on having an orgasm. 

Aussie columnist Nadia Bokody lifted the lid on the error 65 per cent of women make in the bedroom and the X-rated way to fix it.

Nadia said that the reason over half of women struggle to orgasm in the bedroom is down to society placing a “stigma” on female pleasure and masturbation. 

She wrote: “Our culture instils shame from an early age, telling girls their vulvas are not to be named; they’re ‘private parts’.

“We distrust women with sexual agency; they’re ‘sl*ts’ and ‘attention-seekers’. 

“When we’re detached from our bodies, we’re easier to view as objects and sell products to that reinforce our role as decorations in the worlds of men. 

“And while we’re busy expending our energy and money in pursuit of appealing to the male gaze (spoiler alert: no matter what you do, you will never be enough; the goalposts will just keep moving), we lose sight of ourselves.

“This amounts to huge gaps in satisfaction not only in the bedroom (studies show heterosexual men orgasm 95 per cent of the time during sex, while it’s just 65 per cent for heterosexual women), but waves of silent discontentment that bleed into every aspect of women’s lives.

“It’s one of the main reasons I started writing about sex. The more research I consumed, the harder it became to ignore the links between women’s sexual disenfranchisement and gender inequality.”

When we’re detached from our bodies, we’re easier to view as objects and sell products to that reinforce our role as decorations in the worlds of men.

Nadia Bokody

Nadia argued that female masturbation shouldn’t happen in silence or be a “shameful secret”.

She added: “Sexually empowered women pose a very real threat to a system that profits off our subjugation.

“When women feel ashamed of our desires and distrust our own physical instincts in the bedroom, we also learn to ignore pleasure in the rest of our lives – at work, and in our relationships – we take efforts to minimise ourselves and be more palatable at the cost of our comfort.

“Self-hating, sexually subdued women ensure patriarchal culture, which centres itself around male pleasure, continues full steam ahead. (It’s no coincidence I write articles helping women feel more confident and receive hate mail exclusively from men.)”

So how can we solve the issue?

The sexpert said that “normalising female masturbation” is key to the issue.

Nadia explained: “We already know women who masturbate frequently enjoy benefits that go far beyond orgasms. 

“Science shows we’re less stressed, more productive and assertive at work, and report higher levels of body confidence.

“But it’s estimated up to 20 per cent of us don’t do it. 

“Ironically, it’s often the women who write to me to confess they fake their orgasms with their husbands. They don’t see the point, they tell me.

“Ironically though, if there’s one foolproof way to improve your chances of climaxing with a partner and increase your sex drive, it’s regular masturbation. 

“In the same way dedication to the gym leads to muscle development, practising solo sex promotes a stronger libido, heightened sexual confidence and, most importantly, better knowledge of and connection to your body.

“And that’s the real win here, because when women take ownership of our bodies and the pleasure they can deliver without shame, we step out of the silence and into our power.”

Meanwhile, sexpert Nadia Bokody reveals the common lie told in the bedroom which is ‘hurting women’.

And a sexpert shared the four mistakes we’re all making in the bedroom and why you need to focus on ‘afterplay’.

Sexpert reveals the orgasm myths which could be killing your sex life

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