Great Britain

Nobody wants to eat cookies baked by a four-year-old

BRITAIN leaves the EU once and for all on Friday, never to look back and never to return. So how are you spending your final weekend as a European? 

Trawling European capitals desperately trying to meet a romantic partner to love, marry and get EU citizenship from before the portcullis of freedom slams down. Many Germans basically view love as a contractual transaction, so start there.

Getting hit by a car in Portugal, dragged behind a moving train in Spain and having all your injuries treated by the French healthcare system, free of charge and without any annoying paperwork.

Doing the EU28 pub crawl where you have a pint in every European capital, beginning with a swift one in Dublin and finishing by soiling yourself in triumph on the streets of Athens. From now on it’ll only be the EU27 and you can call anyone doing it a lightweight.

Jeering at the border of Albania, mocking its citizens with taunts like ‘You’re not in the world’s largest trading bloc!’ and ‘You’re a Mickey Mouse economy!’ before being on the receiving end of such taunts next week.

Trying to find someone, anyone in the EU who will say they’ll miss Britain when we leave. Will take well into next week and still be unsuccessful.

Staying home and enjoying the warm, soothing feeling of not having been at war with any of our continental neighbours for 75 years.  Enjoying it while it lasts.

Football news:

Pep about 3:1 with Wolverhampton: Sometimes Manchester City enter the season quickly, sometimes they don't. We played well
Kevin de Bruyne: Wolverhampton have caused Manchester City problems before. I am glad that we played well
Stefano Pioli: Milan are confident, can grit their teeth and fight. Zlatan proves that he is a champion
Ibrahimovic on the Bologna double: If I was 20 years younger, I would have scored a couple more. But I'm not old
Cavani's entourage and Atletico discussed a two-year contract at a hotel meeting
Abramovich is suspected of secretly investing in players of other clubs
Ibrahimovic has scored 23 consecutive seasons at club level