Great Britain

My married boss lured me into having an affair and now he is stalking me

DEAR DEIDRE: MY boss lured me into having an affair with him when I was feeling low. But I have fallen passionately in love with him and he says he can’t leave his family home.

I moved jobs to try to make the break but he turns up at lunchtime or after work. My love for him is ruining my life and I’m only 23. He is 39.


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I suffered from depression after my brother took his own life 18 months ago. He was 25.

I was off work for three months and my boss called me, saying he was worried about me and asking me out for a drink.

I thought it was kind and I was pleased to see him.

It became a regular thing and he started telling me how unhappy he was with his wife and that he was going for divorce.

He asked me out for a drink when I got back to work and said he had feelings for me.

I was a bit shocked and wary when he tried to kiss me.

He wanted sex but I said no, but over the following weeks he kept saying how unhappy he was and how much he loved me, and I fell for him.

We eventually had sex and it was wonderful, so special.

I thought we could have a future together, as he had led me to believe he was going for divorce, but after about six months he started making excuses as for why he couldn’t see me.

Eventually, he admitted the problem was that his wife was suspicious. I then discovered he had never left her.

He was still there in the family home with the three kids. He hadn’t even talked to a solicitor.

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I broke up with him but he would keep making up excuses for asking me into his office at work and texting and calling me.

It was agonising so I handed in my notice and found another job which started last month.

But he turns up at my office at lunchtime or after work and messages endlessly.

I love him and he says he loves me, but that he cannot leave his children. He insists he and his wife just co-exist.

I don’t know what he wants. I feel so unhappy I can’t concentrate at work. I don’t know how to escape from this.

DEIDRE SAYS: I am sorry. You have tried to do everything right but this man is cynically pursuing you and wrecking your chances of happiness.

He has made his choice, to stay with his family, and you must stick to your decision to move on.

Tell him you never want to see him again and will report him to the police for harassment if he doesn’t back off.

Put it in writing in some way, so you could produce it as evidence as need be.

He knows he is hurting you so don’t be sucked in by his claims to love you.

If he persists, you can find support through the National Stalking Helpline (stalkinghelpline.org, 0808 802 0300). My e-leaflet Mend Your Broken Heart will help you move on emotionally.

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