Great Britain

My husband text another woman saying he was bored while sitting right next to me

DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband sent texts to another woman saying he was bored and alone on holiday — while he was sitting right next to me. 

One text said he needed to see her and was imagining how great she’d look in a bikini. All the while he was playing the loving and attentive husband. She is a former colleague.


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I was so hurt but forgave him, and we managed to move on. 

I am 42 and my husband is 45. We have been together for six years. I have two boys aged 14 and 12 from a previous relationship. 

This wasn’t the first time he’s been dishonest. Four years ago I discovered he had spent a week in Scotland with a woman — he said he was working there but I saw meal receipts for two with lots of wine. 

He was dismissive and admitted he’d been there with another woman but insisted they were just friends.

Too much to take

Scared of his size?

And last year I found out he’d been texting my sister. She implied he wanted to be more than friends. 

He denies the texts meant anything like that. He said it was just them having a laugh as she is fun. 

This rocked my world again. My husband assures me he will never hurt me again but I’m still so scared and unsure. We have decided to put this behind us now we are married but how can I make these feelings go away? 

I’m not living my life in the way I want to. I am so on edge. I try to make myself look confident but I feel scared and anxious. 

My self-esteem is at rock bottom.

DEIDRE SAYS: You have had a string of shocks and betrayals. Trust, once broken, takes time to rebuild but that can’t happen if he’s constantly cheating. 

First off, he needs to work out why he can’t stay faithful. There will be a reason and once you both understand it, you can deal with it to ensure it doesn’t keep repeating. 

Then you can start to rebuild the trust and your relationship. You may need couples’ counselling and I recommend tavistockrelationships.org, 020 7380 1960.

He says the texts were harmless messages, but anything that takes his attention away from your relationship is damaging in itself. How would he feel if you were behaving in the same way?

Make sure he realises this is his last chance. My support pack Cheating – Can You Get Over It? will help you both.

Don’t let him destroy your confidence. My support pack on Raising Self-Esteem will help you to build up some positive feelings about yourself.

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