Great Britain

My husband’s been having sex with his cousin’s wife throughout our marriage — even though he’s promised to stop

DEAR DEIDRE: I’VE just discovered my husband has been having sex with his cousin’s wife throughout our marriage.

I’m devastated because he promised me that he would stop sleeping with her after we got married.

I’m 33 and he is 34.

We have been together for eight years and married for five of them.

We have two boys aged six and four.

I knew my husband had always had a thing for his cousin’s wife.

She’s 31, tall, blonde and gorgeous.

I suspected there was something going on between them before we married.

They knew each other as teenagers and became friends with benefits.

As my husband and I got more serious I confronted him about her.

He admitted they’d occasionally had sex, even after we started seeing one another, but when he proposed, he promised me that he would stop sleeping with her.

I know I should have run a mile at this point but I was in love and I believed him.

We had a fabulous wedding and life was good.

Our boys came along and my husband’s FWB got together with his cousin and married him.

I thought my worries were over.

Then I noticed that my husband was very careful with his phone and took it everywhere with him, even to the loo and the shower.

I assumed it was because of work.

He is a self-employed builder and receives lots of calls, messages and emails.


REJECTION feels awful but we all have to survive a broken heart at some point.

We can learn from it and become stronger as a result.

My e-leaflet Moving On will help anyone affected in this way – email or private message me on Facebook for a copy.

By mistake he left his phone on the sofa one night when he went to have a shower and I had a quick look.

I couldn’t believe it when a message popped up from his cousin’s wife.

She was describing the sex they’d had two days previously and how she loved seeing him naked.

I raced upstairs to confront my husband.

He confirmed my worst fears — that they had never stopped sleeping together.

He told me that he loves me and wants us to stay together.
I want us to work for the sake of our boys but I don’t know how I can forgive him or carry on with our sham of a marriage.

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DEIDRE SAYS: No wonder you’re feeling shocked and betrayed.

Tell him he has to make a choice now and be honest with you – and that includes his phone being open to you.

There’s no point agreeing to work on your marriage if he keeps going behind your back to his cousin’s wife.

What has gone wrong between you?

There is no excuse for his cheating but you have a better chance of saving the relationship if you are willing to share some responsibility for the state it’s in.

Talk to him about changes you would both like to see that would make your relationship more satisfying.

Is your sex life in need of a boost?

My e-leaflets Cheating – Can You Get Over It? and 50 Ways To Add Fun To Sex can help.

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