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Great Britain

Listening to audiobooks ‘does not count as reading’

A GROUP of men in their 30s have downgraded their Saturday night ‘larging it’ plans to ‘mediuming it’ instead.

The group, aged between 33 and 38, decided that earlier pledges to ‘go large or go home’ were over-ambitious, and have vowed to ‘go medium and go home without shame’ as a more realistic substitute.

Father-of-one Tom Booker, aged 36, said: “The WhatsApp group has been mad with bantz for months. We’d settled on pints watching football, then a pub golf crawl through town with forfeit shots for losers, then a club.

“But as the night approached we mutually agree that large was perhaps a bit too big, what with none of us being young anymore and how much drinks cost in clubs these days and not wanting to spend all Sunday in bed stinking like a beer mat.

“So now we’re going to have a couple of pints with the football, go for a curry somewhere pleasant, then all be home for Match of the Day.

“The relief is euphoric. I feel like I’ve dropped an E.”

Several members of the group are secretly planning to downgrade plans even further to ‘smalling it’ and head home before the curry, because two pints is quite enough these days.

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