WANT a good job? Hours 08.45 to 14.45? Every weekend and bank holiday off, at least three months holiday a year, free periods throughout the day, mid-morning break, dinner break, no dress code, free parking, your place of work closed in the event of heavy snowfalls, addressed by your workforce as sir/miss, occasional all expenses paid educational trips with your staff, and you can shout and scream at them whenever you like without fear of reply.

Fantastic pension on retirement.

Apply to be a schoolteacher.

I know what I'm talking about – and I stand by every word of this.

Name supplied, County Durham