Great Britain

Knobhead writes poem about discarded mask he saw

THE DUKE and Duchess of Sussex’s Oprah interview threatens to rip the Royals apart. Here are five shocking revelations from it: 

The Queen breeds corgis for meat

Harry reveals that his grandmother breeds corgis, releases them, hunts them, eats them and has their skins sewn into slankets, which she wears while watching Pointless. He also believes that Balmoral is where she has created genetically modified mega-corgis the size of cattle which taste great in a burger.

Charles is allergic to Wales

Despite being the Prince of Wales, Charles has never set foot in the country. Harry lets slip that his father is actually allergic to the country because of its high levels of deprivation, and apparent visits have been faked using greenscreen, CGI and matte paintings. Meghan nods along to Harry’s story, adding that Charles is ‘afraid of dragons’.

Meghan was blocked from starring in A Star Is Born

Meghan admits that she had to turn down lead roles in A Star Is Born, The Shape of Water, The Favourite and Avengers: Endgame because the Queen did not like them. Instead, she was encouraged to perform in little plays for Her Majesty who sat there unsmiling and uninterested like she always does.

Princess Anne has five clones

In an experimental procedure to create back-up Royals, Princess Anne was cloned five times, which explains why she works five times harder than all the other Royals. She has never actually ridden a horse, leaving that to #4, but said her appearance at the 1976 Olympics was ‘terribly fun to watch’.

William and Kate are swingers

While Prince William has said that he wants to mend ties with his brother, Harry apparently has no such intentions, with the younger brother very publicly revealing that the much-beloved couple treat British high society ‘like one big seventies key party – with bell bottoms and shag carpets very much included’.

Football news:

While you were sleeping, the Super League appeared. The shortest possible retelling
UEFA will soon announce whether the Champions League and Europa League will be completed this season. In social networks there were rumors about the suspension of tournaments
In football revolution-live online 🚨 Super League starts in August, wait for the matches in the middle of the week
FIFA: We can only express our disapproval of the creation of a closed European league
Agnelli left the post of head of the Association of European Clubs. All 12 clubs of the founding clubs of the Super League have also left
The start of the Super League is scheduled for August. 20 clubs, matches in the middle of the week, clubs will be able to play in the national championships
Agnelli resigns as head of the Association of European Clubs. The participants of the Super League scored for an emergency meeting-they supported UEFA