Great Britain

I was left feeling dirty and cheap after having daytime car sex with my lover

DEAR DEIDRE: I HAD passionate sex with my lover in the back of his car in broad daylight. It was a thrill to be so daring but now I feel cheap.

I am 39 and my partner is 44. We’ve been seeing one another for several years and our chemistry has always been incredible.


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He has never disrespected me and is an attentive lover.

We met through a mutual friend a few years ago and have had a casual relationship ever since.

I think he’s had relationships in the past but, like me, I don’t think he’s ever met someone he wanted to settle down with.

He dropped me back home and left right after we had sex in his car. I’ve never done anything like this before and wasn’t sure how to feel afterwards, although I did find it exciting.

It happened during lockdown, which made it feel even more wicked. We usually see one another once or twice a week and have sex at my flat.

I’ve been content to see him on this basis but sometimes I wonder how he really feels about me.

I sent him some texts over the few days that followed just to keep it light and I hoped to hear back from him.

Just a “Good morning” would have been nice. But I didn’t hear a word from him for three days.

Then he texted assuring me he thought what we did was hot and he wants to see me soon.

I was pleased to hear back from him but I said I felt cheap and disrespected because he’d left it so long to get in touch. He apologised right away but now is not talking to me again.

He is so distant. I don’t know what will happen next. I can’t help but think I have ruined our relationship.

Was I right to be upset because he didn’t text a word for three days?

topic4today

EVERY year, 85,000 women are raped in England and Wales.

The rapist is far more likely to be someone they know than a stranger.

It is about the abuse of power, not lust, and can leave survivors emotionally scarred for years, if not for life.

My e-leaflet Have You Been Raped? explains the support available.

DEIDRE SAYS: You wonder how he really feels about you but have you asked him or told him how you feel yourself? Are you simply assuming he knows how you feel? Have you talked about it, ever?

Having sex that leads nowhere just keeps you hooked and, as you have discovered, you risk being left feeling disrespected and used by him.

Suppose you had been spotted in the car and charged with public indecency?

It is high time you talked honestly to your partner.

Say you love him, if you do, and want a proper relationship with him rather than just hooking up for sex. If he cares for you, he will mind that you are upset.

If he says that is not right for him, take a break from your casual relationship while your heart heals and give yourself a chance to move on.

READ DEIDRE'S CLASSIC PHOTO CASEBOOK Nadia can't wait for Frankie to return home so they can get married

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