Great Britain

I’ve started an affair with a male colleague — how do I tell my female partner?

DEAR DEIDRE: I’VE started an affair with a male colleague and I didn’t even know I was gay until we started our fling.

I’m in a relationship with a 37-year-old woman, but now I want to be with him permanently.


Get in touch with Deidre today

My team and I are working safely from home but we are here to help you as always.

I’m a man of 39 and I’ve been with my partner for eight years.

I got a new job five years ago at a timber yard and hit it off with this bloke who worked there.

He’s 35 and is also living with his girlfriend.

Our connection was instant, but not in any sexual way - far from it - we used to have a laugh going out on deliveries and I enjoyed work.

We went out as a foursome sometimes, but one evening I went for drinks in a pub near his home while his girlfriend was visiting family.

We played snooker for hours and got completely smashed.

We went back to his place and I was about to bed down on his sofa when he suggested I get into his bed instead.

Bedroom arguments

I didn’t see any harm in it and was too drunk to care.

In the early hours I woke up to feel my colleague stroking my legs and trying to kiss me.

It felt good, but then I came to my senses and knew it was him - but I didn’t want it to stop.

We ended up exploring each other’s bodies and then had sex.

Neither of us had had a gay relationship before, but the sex was so incredible, I struggle to think about anything else.

Work was closed during the first lockdown and it was torture not seeing him, but we’ve opened the depot again now.

We are always trying to make deliveries in the same area so we can sneak off to a lay-by.

We don’t want to hurt our partners, but how can we tell them our relationships are over and we’d like to live happily as a gay couple?

DEIDRE SAYS: Our sexuality is rarely black and white.

It is more on a spectrum, with some of us feeling attracted to our own sex at some time – but it doesn’t excuse cheating.

My support pack called Bisexual Issues explains more.

It’s best to put your affair on hold to enable you both to sort out your current relationships – you owe your partners that at the very least.

Give each another time and space to work those issues through.

You risk spreading coronavirus as well as STIs by having multiple sexual partners.

If, ultimately, a gay relationship is right for you, you can find understanding and support through LGBT+ (switchboard.lgbt, 0300 330 0630).

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