Great Britain

I’ve been going to dogging sites because no one knows I’m gay

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DEAR DEIDE: I HAVE been going to dogging sites so I can have sex with other men, but I’m terrified my wife will find out.

Now I need to find a less risky way of meeting other men for sexual encounters.


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I am 55 and have been married for 20 years.

I have known I was gay since I was a teenager, but I’m not out.

My wife is 50 and we haven’t had sex for years. However, I love her and I don’t want to hurt her by leaving.

We also have a 15-year-old daughter.

So I’ve been meeting men for sex in cars or in public toilets.

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Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

I know there is a high chance I’ll get caught and I couldn’t bear the humiliation, or to see my wife’s pain.

How else can I find men who will make love to me?

DEIDRE SAYS: It is wrong to cheat – whatever your sexuality – and I can’t help facilitate that.

You say you don’t want to hurt your wife, but you are deceiving her and potentially putting her health at risk.

Sooner or later, she will discover the truth. Wouldn’t it be better if she heard it from you?

You would benefit from some relationship counselling together – get in touch with Tavistock Relationships (tavistockrelationships.org).

My support pack, Gay Resources, has sources of support.

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