DEAR DEIDRE: I AM having an affair with a married woman and the sex is just fantastic, but I am starting to feel guilty thinking about her poor old husband.
I am 43 and she is 37. We live about 80 miles apart but we usually manage to have sex a couple of times a week.
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Either she gets the train over to me and tells her husband she is visiting her sister, who is willing to cover for her, or I drive to hers, as her husband is a long-distance lorry driver.
I’m always careful to leave my car a street or two away in case of nosy neighbours but her family and close friends know about me and are accepting.
She says she is bored with her husband and he simply doesn’t do it for her any more.
He is 55 and they have a nice home but she complains that all he does is work, eat and sleep, with a bit of telly in between.
I met her out with some women friends when I was singing at an open mic night near her. I was visiting a mate for the weekend. My then-girlfriend had thrown me out and I was at a loose end.
We chatted and flirted and swapped numbers before the end of the evening. Our texts got more and more sexy until I suggested she come over to mine whenever she could get away.
The first time we had sex I was blown away. She is very passionate, and that’s really all I’ve cared about for the past year. But now my conscience is beginning to prick. She’s made it clear she has no intention of leaving her lovely home, especially as I only have a one-bedroom flat in a not-very-nice block. So shouldn’t she really show more loyalty to the decent guy who’s providing it all?
But saying goodbye would mean giving up the great sex. I’m not sure my conscience bothers me that much.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Will the sex carry on feeling quite so great now you’re beginning to see her as someone who wants to have her cake and eat it – fun with you while she enjoys her home comforts too?
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Tell her it’s been great but it’s time to end it, especially as she must be at risk of her husband finding out.
I know you say her family and friends are turning a blind eye to her cheating, but that can change in a heartbeat – especially if one of them, like you, begins to think she is taking her husband for a mug. It could get messy.
Look to your own wellbeing too. Why did your last partner throw you out? Do you need to sort out issues about yourself as a partner so you can look for a committed relationship in future and hope to make it work?