DEAR DEIDRE: I HAD awesome sex in a posh hotel with a guy I met online. He popped out afterwards, to buy cigarettes, but never returned. How could he do this to me?
I met this guy eight months ago but we just chatted until recently. He contacted me last month and we arranged to meet up. I am 29 and he is 33. We went to the pub on our first date and then, three weeks ago, we met again.
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We were sitting in a park on a beautiful winter’s morning and getting on well, but he said he had to leave early to help his dad take some rubbish to the tip. I was a bit annoyed but tried to hide my disappointment.
He contacted me a few days later saying he had booked us into a hotel for a night. We had a great evening and ended up having sex for the first time that night and again in the morning.
He was a very passionate lover and I was so happy. I thought that we were getting into a real relationship. Afterwards, he said he was just popping out to get some cigarettes.
I waited for him to return but then I got a text from him saying that his brother was having problems with his car and he’d gone to help. He said he wasn’t coming back but he’d make it up to me.
He told me that he had left some cash in our room for extras so it felt premeditated, not an emergency at all. I was fuming but he told me I was too possessive and that I was always checking when he is on WhatsApp.
It’s true that I asked him to put his phone on silent when it kept pinging and ringing in the hotel room as it was intrusive.
I can’t help but think there has been another woman messaging him all along. I wonder if he was lying to me about his dad and his brother, too.
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DEIDRE SAYS: His excuses do sound dubious but, even if they were true, he was putting other people ahead of you and your feelings in a very insensitive way.
I am sorry you feel deceived but chatting online just isn’t the same as getting to know someone face-to-face. You were falling for this guy but it sounds as though he was just out for fun, not a lifelong commitment.
He knew you were on to him and he risked being rumbled, which is why he’s backed off. Put it down to experience and move on.
Concentrate on improving your face-to-face social life to give yourself a much better chance of meeting somebody who is worthy of your love and will want to share a relationship with you.
If you do end up together, the family will be massively down on you both.
It really is best to break off this affair now. Tell your sister-in-law it’s over and work on strengthening your marriage.
My e-leaflet The Real Secrets Of Great Sex can help.