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I found out about dad’s death on Facebook and I’m angry and sad


DEAR DEIDRE: UNTIL I had a baby boy, my dad was a distant figure.

Then we got on well and saw each other regularly.

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It was a happy time and I even started to forgive him for making little effort with me as a child.

I am 47, my husband is 54 and our son is 15.

But three years ago, Dad, who is 75, became ill after a stroke. The timing was awful, as we were moving 200 miles north to Scotland for my husband’s work.

I still Facetimed my dad whenever I could. But two months ago he stopped messaging.

When I contacted my brother, who lives near Dad, he told me there was nothing to worry about.

Then three weeks ago, I logged on to Facebook to see my brother and his family scattering Dad’s ashes.

My brother admitted my father had been in a hospice for four weeks and he wanted to spend time alone with him.

I’m still so hurt and angry. I wish I had been able to say my goodbyes.

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DEIDRE SAYS: Anger is a very common emotion for the recently bereaved and you have a lot of reason for these feelings to run deep.

Try to focus on the happy years with your father – no one can take those away from you.

Bereavement counselling would help you. Contact Cruse Bereavement Care (, 0808 808 1677).

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