Great Britain

How to pretend you’ve seen The Sopranos

WITH the prequel hitting cinemas, there’s never been a more crucial time to claim you’ve seen The Sopranos. Here’s how:

Read episode breakdowns online

The Sopranos lasts 100 hours and, like Deadwood and the rest, probably isn’t that good. Why not read episodes breakdowns in the office instead? Pro-tip: 95 per cent of Sopranos conversations appear to be about Pine Barrens, so watch that one on 2x speed while you’re reading.

Rank it

Moving the conversation towards other elite dramas allows the other person to say ‘Yeah but what about when Tony killed that guy while wearing a dressing gown’ while you counter with classic scenes from Breaking Bad or The Wire. And you don’t have to have seen them, either. You wish they’d bring back Take Me Out though.

Have a punt on some character names

The Sopranos has a rich well of character names eg Paulie Walnuts, Artie Bucco and ‘Big Pussy’ Bonpensiero. So if lost in chat throw in some random names, see if they stick, and watch fans nod along pretending to remember Giuseppe Gorgonzola, Bobby Calcio or ‘Eyebrows’ Esposito.

Bang on about the ending

The final scene of the show was apparently controversial? If about to get rumbled, ask what everyone thought of it and agree. It could be Carmela waking up to find Tony in the shower because it was a dream for all you know, but style it out.

Throw in some Italian

The colourful language and phrasing of The Sopranos really builds the show’s world, probably, you haven’t seen it. Drop in some goomba slang and fans will leap to pretend to be Mafiosi because really that’s why they watch it. What have you got to lose, ya gavone?

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