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From early morning sex to dirty texting – what speeds up or slows down your orgasm

JUST 13.46 seconds – that’s the time it takes most straight woman to reach orgasm during sex with a long-term partner, according to a new study.

So why is it that some nights are you transported to the heights of ecstasy in moments, while other days it feels like the Big O’s never going to arrive at all?

Here Tanith Carey looks at the latest research at what’s helping – and what’s delaying you – arriving at your sexual peak.

You get it on the reg

It may sound erotic to have a one night stand, but you are likely to climax quicker the longer you have been with your lover.

Scientists at Florida University surveyed 1000 women age 18 to 71 about their sex lives in the last year.

They found women have 15 per more orgasms when they had sex with a regular partner than with a fling – and they were also more satisfied, according to the study in the Journal of Sex Research (2019).

He’s sent you a sexy text during the day

On top of having a secure relationship, the Big O is likely to arrive sooner if human tells you he loves you either during sex – or has sexted you earlier in the day.

A 2016 study in the Journal Computers and Human Behaviour studied the effects of sexting in 615 couples. They found couples who sexted a lot said they had more sexual satisfaction than those who didn’t.

Dr Deborah Lee, from Dr Fox Online Pharmacy, says: "This is because sexual arousal starts not in the body - but in the mind.

"When you receive a sexy text message, without even stripping off, feel-good hormones such as dopamine and oxytocin are already being released into your circulation.

"When you receive the text, you can start to fantasise."

You’ve cuddled for longer

You might think lots of fancy foreplay is the way to get you to the heights of ecstasy.

But it's actually some old-fashioned cuddling that will help you get there.

In studies in the journal Hormones and Behaviour, researchers discovered that cuddling alone is enough to trigger a spike in the release of two hormones, testosterone and oxytocin.

This helps because testosterone heightens physical sensations in the genitals, helping women reach orgasm more quickly.

At the same time, oxytocin has also been found to trigger more intense climaxes because it activates the reward pathways that make you feel pleasure.

Sexual and reproductive health specialist Dr Deborah Lee, of the Dr Fox Online Pharmacy, says as well as giving you a great orgasms, you will feel closer to your lover afterwards.

Dr Lee says: "This emotional response leads to the release of oxytocin.

"As the sexual experience progresses, more and more oxytocin is produced, and a state of euphoria is created.

"Those levels of oxytocin are raised around the time of orgasm- and for five minutes afterwards in both men and women."

You haven’t had too much to drink

We tend to think of booze as an aphrodisiac because it can make you flirty and helps shed your inhibitions.

But it’s not just men who find it more difficult to orgasm during sex when they’ve had a few too many.

So will women.

One study in The Journal of Sex Research found that the more alcohol a woman has in her blood, the longer it can take her to orgasm.

More research by the University of Georgia found that 75 per women of women who drink heavily found it difficult to climax.

Scientists believe this because the alcohol numbs the female body’s response to touch.

It also dehydrates the body, making it harder for a woman to become lubricated.

According to Drink Aware’s Dr Abigael San, a clinical psychologist: "In both sexes, sexual response is reduced by regular and prolonged drinking.

"In men, alcohol can cause difficulties getting and maintaining an erection - while women may experience reduced lubrication, find it harder to have an orgasm, or have orgasms that are less intense."

You’re off to an early start

Set your alarm clock. Having sex when the sun comes up can lead to quicker and more explosive orgasms.

As it gets lighter, the sun boosts a woman’s testosterone levels too by stimulating the hypothalamus - part of the brain responsible for releasing the hormone.

This rise not only helps wake you up, but also boosting sexual desire, making it easier for women to orgasm.

Another reason early morning sex may make it easier for women to climax is that the worries of the day have not yet built up.

Brain scans show that women stop using the part of their brains that process fear, anxiety and feelings during orgasm – and enter an almost trance-like state.

However those areas remain active if they feel stressed by home or work problems, women are less likely to be able to reach their peak.

Dr Deborah Lee says there may be another reason: "As male testosterone level peak between 6 and 9 am, men may have greater arousal, better erections and improved staying power in the mornings.

"After a night’s sleep, both partners are also more relaxed. Many people feel tired when they get into bed but are refreshed in the morning, and ready for action."

No wonder one survey revealed the most popular time for sex was 9am Sunday morning.

Your man has broad shoulders

Making you laugh, being rated as attractive by your friends and having plenty of money are some of the factors that will make you orgasm more easily with a man, according to a study in the journal Evolutionary Psychology. 

But as well as good looks, having a broad shoulders is one stand-out physical characteristic that will also help you reach that finish line earlier.

Lead researcher of the University of Albany study, Gordon Gallup, says: "How often women experienced orgasm as a result of sexual intercourse was related to their partner’s family income, his self-confidence, and how attractive he was."

But he added: "Sexual satisfaction was also related to how physically attracted women were to their partner and the breadth of his shoulders."

One reason why women have better orgasms with men who look stronger and able to protect them is because a strong climax will to increase the likelihood they conceive.

Dr Lee says: "More intense orgasms are associated with more powerful uterine contractions, and this may help the transport of sperm towards the egg, and the survival of the fittest genes."

You’re in the middle of your cycle

If you are looking for a mind-blowing orgasm, plan a sex session slap-bang in the middle of your cycle – around day 14.

This is when your levels of the hormones oestrogen and testosterone reach their peak.

This potent combination not only supercharges your libido.

It also sends more blood to your intimate areas, making climaxes more earth-shattering and more likely to be felt through-out your body.

Gabrielle Lichterman, author of ‘28 Days: What Your Cycle Reveals about Your Love Life, Moods, and Potential’ says: "The day before you ovulate is when your libido is highest, orgasm is easier to achieve and is most intense.

"High oestrogen and testosterone are revving your libido, making sensual sensations more intense and orgasms easier to reach and more fulfilling."

Extra bedroom bonus for high flyers

Good exam grades may not be on the only benefit you got from working hard at school

You may also get one more bonus - in the bedroom.

According to research on 900 women published in the Journal of Sex Research (2006), straight women who had been educated to degree level are more likely to get orgasm easier than women who didn’t go to college.

Research by the University of Sussex analysed the sex lives of nearly 20,000 men and women.

They found that 72 per cent of people who had been educated after the age of 18 had orgasms, compared to 64 per cent of those who had finished at the end of secondary,

Women got even bigger perks in the bedroom, especially if they had well paid jobs over £30,000 and had professional or managerial jobs.

Expert Dr Lee says: ‘It may be that women with higher educational attainments perhaps understand their bodies better.

"They may also seek more health information and ask for more advice."

Do some exercise

Go for a jog – or at least think about signing up for a 5K race.

Testosterone is the hormone which cause spikes in desire, arousal and orgasm – and which also makes you come quicker.

Dr Lee says: "The good news is that even thinking about exercising can produce better sex.

"In a study of 17 female rugby players, the levels of the hormones testosterone and cortisol were shown to be increased 24 hours before they played their next rugby match."

But beyond the sport pitch, this competitive spirit could lead to better climaxes in the bedroom too because according to Dr Lee: "The link between female libido and their testosterone levels has long been recognised."

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