Great Britain

Four lies to tell your family when they ask why you’re still single

A WOMAN is still not speaking to her husband after he unaccountably refused sex when she came home drunk and horny at 3am. 

Joanna Kramer went to her Christmas do, came home stinking of alcohol and smoke, elbowed slumbering husband Matt awake and cannot believe he turned her down.

She said: “There’s something wrong with his libido. He might need to get counselling.

“I’d had a great night with the girls, we’d had an Indian then hit a nightclub where I was flirting with these 20-something lads while cadging fags, but when I swung in the bedroom singing ‘I wanna have sex on the gin’ he did not want to know.

“I was doing a sexy strip, though I did fall back against the wardrobe twice, and he was all ‘What time is it?’ and ‘I was up with Sally at one, she’d wet herself’ and ‘stop that f*cking singing’.

“I tried giving him a kiss but sort of missed, and he told me to bugger off and went for a slash. It’s a bit hazy after that, but he was definitely saying no.”

Matt Kramer said: “It would have been absolutely disgusting. I’m such an idiot.”