DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN I turned 40 a gorgeous colleague gave me a brilliant present — mind-blowing sex.
The problem is, I am a happily married man and now I feel so guilty I can’t stop worrying about it. My wife is 38 and we have a 12-year-old son and a daughter aged ten. The last thing I would ever want to do is hurt them.
One of the women I work with is particularly attractive. She’s, 31, single and we’ve always got on well.
We were chatting about what she could give me for my 40th birthday. I couldn’t think of anything. She suggested a balloon ride or driving a Formula 1 car, but nothing appealed to me until she said: “How about a night with me?”
I could not believe what I had heard but the conversation revved up until we had named the hotel and date and time. I made an excuse to my wife and went. My colleague and I spent the evening drinking and chatting.
She put her hand out and caressed me intimately and the next thing we were having even hotter sex. How I got home and faced my wife, I don’t know. I felt sure my guilt was written all over my face and she would guess that I’d had sex with another woman.
Nothing was said, and nothing was mentioned at work either. My colleague just said, “Hope you had a great birthday.” I keep imagining our other workmates know something has gone on, because I feel so guilty. I’m dreading the fact that sooner or later she will suggest we do it again or my wife will ask me what is the matter.
It is almost as though I am now a different person and that person is someone I don’t like much. I don’t know how I can move on, but I don’t want to lose my wife and family.
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DEIDRE SAYS: You admit you do not like yourself very much after what happened and you are worried about your wife and kids. You need to draw a line under your fling without making your colleague feel so rejected and angry that she seeks revenge.
All she would have to do is tell the best office gossip that you seduced her and it will be all round your workplace.
Find a quiet, private moment – after work maybe – to tell her that your night together was great but you have to put your family first. Say you are sorry if you misled her in any way.
Say, too, that she is worth so much more than a snatched night in a hotel and deserves a worthwhile partner. Put fresh energy into your marriage so you – and your wife – are less vulnerable to straying.