Go, Vlad Lad! Putin’s maniacal war has resurrected Nato

YOU’VE got to hand it to Vladimir Putin – very few politicians can bring the dead back to life.

But this idiot has just about managed it, with Nato.

Four months ago, this defensive alliance was on life support. It was seen as being a creature of the past, of no relevance any more.

The European Left have always hated it, for a start.

But even centrist politicians in Paris and Berlin were beginning to question its effectiveness.

Some resented being under the effective military control of Washington DC.

They thought a European army allied to the European Union might be a better bet.

 Ha! Can you imagine that?

If war broke out, they’d spend the next two years passing resolutions.

Arguing among themselves about health-and-safety implications.

Debating what to do over large bottles of claret.

Meanwhile, only the UK and the Baltic states were paying their fair whack towards Nato, much to the fury of the Americans.

It really felt as if the North Atlantic Treaty Organisation, founded more than 70 years ago, was on its last legs.

But now look. In three short months, Putin has resurrected it.

Western European countries are at last pledging to pour more money into defence.

 Meanwhile, both Finland and Sweden have announced they want to join, which would have been unimaginable only six months ago.

Ukraine wants to join too, obviously.

So Putin, through his maniacal savagery, has brought about the very thing he was desperate to prevent: A much stronger and expanded Nato.

Waving sabres

 And his country will soon be even more tightly hemmed-in by Nato than it was before he invaded Ukraine.

Finland has an 830-mile border with Russia.

Not just that, but Georgia — which also has a border with Russia and was once part of its hideous Communist empire — is also expected to join the alliance soon.

All of this is good.

 The talk of abandoning Nato was an absurdity.

It came about because we in the West had grown complacent about the threat from beyond our borders.

Putin’s invasion of Ukraine focused our minds a little.

Even the European Left are beginning to wake up.

Russian tanks have that effect on people.

The Finnish Prime Minister, the rather . . . um . . . attractive Sanna Marin, is a Social Democrat.

Sweden has a left-of-centre government too.

And even the Greens now want to join Nato.

The old arguments should have disappeared by now.

There are still nutters like Magic Grandpa — Jeremy Corbyn, to use his less familiar name — who mistrust Nato.

They think it behaves aggressively.

They echo the complaints of Putin because they’ve always had a soft spot for Russia.

And they hate America.

But Nato poses no threat to Russia unless Russia attacks one of its members.

We haven’t been waving sabres in the direction of Moscow.

It is Russia, with its war against Georgia and its annexation of Crimea, that poses the threat.

I said a year or so ago in this column that, sooner or later, we would have to wake up to the threat from Moscow.

 It looks right now as if this is exactly what has happened.

It’s a shame it took so many Ukrainian lives to rouse us from our slumber.

When Mars a-Tic Tacs...

YIKES. The Americans have confessed to having recorded 400 different instances of UFOs bugging their country.

 One was shaped like a giant Tic Tac. The mint kind, not their new “Fruit Adventure” kind. 

A lot of them were using propulsion systems unknown to mankind, apparently. A bit like my old Chrysler PT Cruiser.

 But what’s scarier?

If they really are piloted by small grey creatures with big black eyes who come from the Planet Thrang?

Or incredibly advanced stuff cooked by the Russkies or the Chinese?

Pugs a breed apart

PUGS are one of the nation’s favourite dogs. 

But there’s a doubt now as to whether they’re dogs at all.

The Royal Veterinary College says they shouldn’t be considered “typical” dogs.

That’s because of the terrible health problems they face as a consequence of their breeding. 

The RVC also says we shouldn’t buy them.

 I love dogs and have one of my own.

But we have done awful things to the creatures in order to “enhance” the breeds.

That’s one reason why I can’t bear Crufts or any of the other dog shows.

Albeit unintentionally, they’ve encouraged cruelty for decades.

I ADD A BETTER IDEA . . .

THE ex-chief economist at the Bank of England, Andy Haldane, has come up with a bright idea.

 He says mathematics should be renamed “numeracy” because “maths” sounds too difficult.

 But does it go far enough? The word “numeracy” doesn’t sound like a doddle, either. 

Why not rename mathematics “chocolate bunny rabbits”?

And physics, which is also a bit tricky, “nice ponies playing in a field”?

 Some stuff just is difficult, Andy.

YOU have to say that Black Lives Matter really does work as an organisation.

 It can pull black people out of poverty. Especially co-founder Patrisse Cullors, above.

 BLM paid her “baby daddy” (known to the rest of us as partner or husband) nearly $1million. And another £700,000 went to a company owned by her brother Paul. 

The organisation is a con job. And nothing has done more to worsen race relations in the past 30 years than BLM.

Fat lot of use

ENGLISH councils spent £30million on a health scheme. 

It was designed to get local residents as fit as a butcher’s dog. Get them slimming down. Put them on a diet. 

Turns out a total of 220 people took advantage of this scheme and got themselves slim.

 That’s a cost of £136,000 per person (of your money). 

They would have been more successful if they just said: “Stop eating cakes, you fat munter, and we’ll give you £10,000.”

Spend less and carry on

INFLATION is now at a record nine per cent.

So we’ll have to be a bit cannier about what we buy.

 For those of us over the age of 50, inflation is pretty familiar.

We remember having to tighten our belts when the bad times arrived. 

We didn’t expect the Government to bail us out. 

Because that only makes inflation worse. 

Spend a little less for a year and things will get back to normal.  

That’s the advice the Government should be giving.